Dr. Damian Sendler A Sense of Isolation That Comes With Being a Parent
Damian Sendler: People now understand that loneliness is a painful subjective experience when the social connections they have do not meet their interpersonal needs in terms of quality of or quantity. It is possible to feel lonely while surrounded by others, and this is distinct from other measures of social connection, such as the size […]
Last updated on May 9, 2022
damian sendler harvard med

Damian Sendler: People now understand that loneliness is a painful subjective experience when the social connections they have do not meet their interpersonal needs in terms of quality of or quantity. It is possible to feel lonely while surrounded by others, and this is distinct from other measures of social connection, such as the size of a person’s social network or the number of friends one has (number of social connections).

Damian Jacob Sendler: Loneliness is linked to poor mental and physical health, which increases the risk of early mortality, according to research done primarily with undergraduates and the elderly.3,4 5 To put it another way, interventions for loneliness are only based on the limited knowledge about the experience of loneliness in these specific populations because of this focus in literature. It’s not clear if and how the experience of loneliness varies among different populations. ‘

Dr. Sendler: When it comes to the study of loneliness, parents are one group that has received little attention. Surveys and research studies show that around a third of parents in the UK report experiencing loneliness often or always, and 30 percent of parents experience high and persistent levels of loneliness over time. 7 Though many parents are affected, there is no comprehensive review of existing knowledge on the impacts and experiences of loneliness in this population despite the high number of parents affected. There are currently. What we know about the health consequences of loneliness in parenthood and whether there is evidence of intergenerational effects, impacting the health and well-being of their offspring, is important to establish. An understanding of how loneliness affects parents, and which parents are more likely to suffer from it, is critical to determining appropriate strategies, support, and future research.

There were only six studies that looked at the theory behind parent loneliness. Three of these studies looked at the effect of becoming a parent on loneliness. One used a longitudinal design and found that mothers and fathers’ loneliness remained constant throughout pregnancy, the early years of their children’s lives, and the toddler years. 22 This effect was strongest among married parents, indicating that problems in the marriage are more likely to be the cause of increased loneliness than the birth of a child, as found in another study. 23 Despite this, a study involving data from 17 countries found that marital status was associated with lower levels of loneliness. 24 Male loneliness was protected by marriage and having children, but female loneliness was not, according to the findings of this study. Adults who have children are less likely to be lonely than those who don’t, which suggests that there may be cultural differences in the prevalence of parental isolation.

Another three studies looked at how loneliness is conceptualized and whether it is different for mothers. Using a methodology developed by the authors, participants in these studies were given a loneliness questionnaire, and the differences in responses between mothers and non-parents on various subscales were examined. Rokach 25 found that pregnant women and new mothers had lower levels of emotional distress, social inadequacy and alienation, interpersonal isolation and self-alienation in relation to loneliness than women in general. Other studies have shown that pregnant women and new mothers are less likely to report feeling lonely because of their own personal inadequacies, such as mistrust or low self-esteem or social marginalization (i.e, isolation and alienation). Women who were not parents scored higher than new parents and pregnant women on reflection and acceptance, distancing and denial of loneliness, according to a second study by Rokach 27. According to these findings, parents’ loneliness and coping mechanisms differ from those of other age groups.

Loneliness is a common problem for some parents, according to a number of studies included in the review. It’s difficult to draw conclusions about whether these parents are more lonely or at greater risk of loneliness because few of these studies included comparison or control groups.

Parents who have a child who has a long-term illness or disability are the most likely to suffer from loneliness (n = 25). Qualitative designs were used in most of these studies (n = 10). Loneliness was experienced by the mothers in this group due to a lack of psychosocial resources, feeling burdened by their child’s needs, lack of support from others or support available that did not meet their needs, and changes in their relationship. A range of 28 to 31 Three studies compared parents who had a child with a chronic illness or disability to a control group that did not have a child who was ill or disabled. There was a higher level of loneliness among parents of children with chronic illnesses or disabilities in two of the three studies,32,33 but there was no difference between the two groups in the other study. 34 According to another six studies, the percentage of parents of children with chronic illness or disability reporting loneliness ranged from 19.1 percent to 70 percent. A range of 35 to 40

The parents of immigrant or ethnic minority children were also found to be lonely (n = 11). There were no comparison studies in any of these studies, and the majority of them used a qualitative design with only mothers as participants. When their mother or mother-in-law wasn’t around to help, these mothers felt lonely. The mothers in this study reported feeling alone in the postpartum period because the culture in the country they were visiting was different from their own in terms of the availability of family and community support for caring for their baby. 41–44 When things went wrong with their baby, the loneliness was amplified even further. 41 Even more so, they were isolated because of prejudice and language barriers. 45,46

Loneliness in adolescent mothers was examined in a number of studies (n = 11), but the evidence was less consistent and yielded conflicting results. Two studies found that adolescent mothers were more likely to be lonely than mothers in other age groups,47,48 but a third study found that non-parent adolescents were more likely to be lonely than adolescent mothers. 49 Loneliness was not found to be an issue for adolescent mothers in another study. 50 When adolescent mothers were able to maintain or make new friendships, they did not experience feelings of loneliness, according to the results of qualitative studies. 51,52

Studies show that between 8% and 21% of single parents report feeling lonely, which is consistent with the findings of this study.

53–55 For single parents, the absence of a partner and lack of companionship led to feelings of loneliness (particularly someone to share experiences with). 56 Single parenthood can bring loneliness for some, but it can also bring a newfound sense of self-awareness, independence, and self-actualization for others. 57

Loneliness in first-time parents was examined in seven studies (n = 7). First-time parents were more likely to report feelings of loneliness after becoming parents because they found parenthood difficult, felt vulnerable as a parent, and had fewer social interactions following the birth of a child. 58

It was possible to synthesize findings from a small number of studies, such as those that looked at loneliness in low-income parents (n = 4) and mothers in poor physical health (n = 3). Researchers looked into whether housing (e.g., in a flat or shelter) and partner violence and abuse (n = 2), returning to work after paternity leave (n = 2), drug use and abuse in the home or being a parent of a child of a transgender person (n = 2) or being a military wife (n = 1) contributed to parents’ feelings of loneliness.

Only stress/distress and depression outcomes have been measured in studies looking at the effects of loneliness on parent health and well-being. A total of five studies were conducted to investigate the link between parental stress and loneliness. Using a correlational design, two of these studies found a link between loneliness and parenting stress and distress. 59,60 Another cross-sectional study of mothers of different ages found that loneliness was highest in preschool and middle school years, and although the study didn’t directly examine an association with stress, stress followed a similar pattern of change over time as loneliness. 61 Parents who were experiencing burnout were recruited for a separate qualitative study in which they were asked to describe their experiences of loneliness. 62 Research found that burnout can be caused by feelings of exhaustion and a sense of being strange and disconnected. According to another study 63, parental distress was the most common reason for referral to parenting support services, followed closely by loneliness and a lack of emotional well-being (38 percent ). All studies were cross-sectional, so the direction of the effect isn’t clear; it could be that parenting stress causes loneliness, or that feeling lonely as a parent causes stress/distress for a parent.

Damian Sendler

Nine more studies looked at the connection between parental loneliness and depression. Loneliness was reported by parents with postnatal depression in two qualitative studies,64,65 with loneliness stemming from a lack of social support and a feeling of not being understood. 65 In two cross-sectional studies, we found that loneliness was more common or more severe in groups of mothers with depression symptoms or postnatal depression compared to those who were not depressed. 66,67 Loneliness has been linked to postpartum depression and chronic depression in mothers in two separate studies. 69 In yet another long-term study, depression was found to be more prevalent in mothers and fathers who had been isolated for an extended period of time. 70 Even though loneliness and depression were linked in one study, marital dissatisfaction was a better predictor of depression in mothers than loneliness. 71 It was found that new fathers became lonely because they didn’t know if their support efforts were making a difference to their children’s mothers.

All but one of the studies (n = 4) used a longitudinal design to examine parent and child loneliness over the course of several months or years. The other five studies used a cross-sectional design to examine parent and child loneliness over the course of a single month or series of months. The loneliness measures used in all nine studies differed greatly. Loneliness can have a negative impact on children in four studies, but only in five did researchers examine the effects of mother’s loneliness on children. Parents who are lonely affect their children’s development, but there are gender-specific effects. Problem-solving skills, internalizing problems,73,86 social competence, hostility and fear of negative evaluation and social anxiety were all linked to mothers’ loneliness (but in girls only). 78 Parental loneliness was linked to a decrease in girls’ peer-reviewed cooperation skills. 75 In one cross-sectional study, loneliness in mothers was linked to loneliness in children, but loneliness in fathers was not, whereas in another study, loneliness in fathers was predictive of the persistence of sons’ loneliness and loneliness in mothers’ daughters. 77 Loneliness in parents was found to be related to low parenting self-efficacy, which in turn was linked to children’s feelings of loneliness in only one study.

Damian Jacob Markiewicz Sendler: It was found in two studies that mothers who felt lonely were more likely to choose to stop breastfeeding. After the birth of a child, new mothers often feel isolated and alone because they don’t have anyone to turn to for support in their breastfeeding difficulties. 87 It was also found that women sought out social connections in order to alleviate feelings of loneliness, which was in line with their decisions about whether or not they should keep breastfeeding their babies. 88 Because they feared being judged as incompetent, useless, and different by others, women who wanted to or had stopped breastfeeding sought out other women who had made the same decision. Others sought out others who could support them in continuing to breastfeed, and their loneliness was reduced as a result of these social connections and a sense of being part of something bigger.

Although some research looked at the connection between loneliness and child abuse or neglect, the studies that examined this relationship ranged in publication date from 1980 to 2011 and were all conducted more than 10 years ago with the exception of one. This category also lacks a cross-cultural comparison because all studies were conducted in the United States. Except for one, all of the studies looked at mother-only loneliness in families where neglect or abuse of children has been identified, while the others looked at mother and father-only loneliness in families where abusers have been identified. A loneliness scale was used to assess loneliness in all of the studies included in this category. The UCLA scale was used by five people, the Child Abuse Potential Inventory (CAPI) Loneliness subscale by two people, and the Emotional Social Loneliness and Isolation Scale by one person.

Damian Jacob Sendler

One study examined whether or not loneliness is associated with child abuse/neglect, and another examined whether mothers in families with neglectful behaviors are more likely to be lonely (n = 5). Both studies looked at the relationship between loneliness and abuse/neglect in two different ways. Even though regression models are used to examine predictors of abuse and neglect in this category, the studies can only show an influence or association. There was no correlation between parental punishment and child neglect in two of the three studies that examined the relationship between loneliness and parental behavior. 92 In the other study, mothers of disabled children were found to be more likely to engage in abusive behavior toward their children due to their loneliness. 93 Loneliness was higher in neglectful parents, 94 abusive parents, 95 and mothers in neglectful families when compared to a control group. 96,97 Loneliness was more prevalent among mothers in families at risk of child abuse who did not have a father present than among mothers who did have a father present.

Damien Sendler: New parents were the focus of the majority of these studies, with some focusing on mothers who had postnatal depression or were at risk of child abuse or neglect. One intervention aimed to reduce social isolation in parents of children with cerebral palsy, while another aimed to increase social support in parents at risk of child maltreatment. However, none of the interventions were specifically designed to reduce loneliness. 99 All but one study relied on a quantitative approach, while the other two used a qualitative approach. One intervention study used UCLA, but the version differed from one study to another. Randomized trials only appeared in three of the studies. As many as 101 to 103 Only six of the 14 studies that examined the effectiveness of interventions showed a decrease in loneliness. It was found that interventions such as tele-health, peer support, universally provided child development parenting, interpersonal skills training, and short-term cognitive therapy reduced or showed promising results in reducing loneliness.

Loneliness among parents appears to be a constant and distinct from that of other generations.

22.25-27.3 As a result, there were no studies to identify the underlying mechanisms of parental loneliness, and no prospective studies that began in the pre-conception period to help understand the changes in the level of parental loneliness throughout the course of parenthood. There is evidence to suggest that becoming a parent may actually increase one’s feelings of loneliness, despite the fact that there is a baby to care for. In other life transitions, such as going off to college or retiring, people report feeling more isolated due to the loss of social connections and friendships. 105

Loneliness has been linked to an increased risk of depression, anxiety, and increased stress in a wide range of studies, including those included in the scoping review61,63,86.

3,106 Other studies have shown a link between depression and loneliness, and our results confirm this. Loneliness among children has been found to be associated with depression in parents, and depression has been linked to loneliness in children. 70 There is still a need for further research (i.e. using cross-lagged designs where reciprocal relationships between loneliness and depression over time can be examined, allowing for the direction of the effect to be explored) in this population. We found no studies that looked at the link between loneliness in parents and physical health outcomes, despite the fact that loneliness has been linked to poor physical health in other cohorts.

The effects of parental loneliness on children’s health and well-being, such as breastfeeding cessation, mental health, and social competence, were found to be similar to other evidence of the negative effects of poor parental mental health (108). According to the scoping review, there may be some gender-specific effects of intergenerational transmission of loneliness and social competence from parent to child. However, because there are so few studies, this merits further investigation. Other studies have found gender-specific effects for the intergenerational transmission of internalizing behaviors (depression and irritability) 109 and depression 110.

Concerns should be taken with the findings that parental loneliness was also linked to child abuse and neglect because the evidence base consists only of cross-sectional studies and other factors were not taken into account (e.g. social isolation, being in an abusive relationship or poor mental health). As a result of the lack of comparison studies and further research, it is difficult to say definitively whether parents who face additional challenges (such as those with children who are ill or disabled, those who are immigrants or members of an ethnic minority, and parents who are single) are more likely to experience loneliness. Rather than assuming that all outcomes associated with loneliness are negative, it may be beneficial to consider factors that can mitigate adversity, such as personal or community assets, and to identify more resilience-based factors that can help to combat loneliness. 111,112 Additionally, more research is needed with fathers and wider partners, as well as international studies to examine cross-national and cross-cultural differences.

This scoping review has identified some key mechanisms of effectiveness that should be taken into account when designing future interventions to reduce loneliness. Involving women in peer support can help them improve their communication skills and build social networks. A growing body of evidence shows that peer support can alleviate negative emotional effects (such as social isolation) by creating social connections and networks, which is in line with other studies.

Dr. Sendler

Damian Jacob Markiewicz Sendler

Sendler Damian Jacob